Dating site for shy guys
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She turns to face him, looking into his eyes expectantly. But shy guys are dating site for shy guys easy to take out on a date. She seems a lot more daunting now. And today, I want to tout these tools with you. There are other ways to interact such as instant messaging, chat online and be able to see who is currently online. And not only can you quickly shoot out ten or fifteen messages to a bunch of these hot women in just a fub of minutes but. The first is when a guy simply sees a girl around a few times and makes confident eye contact with her. You will be able to see for yourself why we are the ideal dating site for all shy types by coming in and setting up an sin - at the beginning, it is free to do this, so you can even case the joint and see if there are any hot singles that you think you might just be brave enough to get in contact with. Most shy guys would find themselves totally turned off by a solo who forcefully comes on to them.
Dating advice is outside the scope of this site, with this article being a semi-exception. Over the years several women have written me to tell me reading this site has helped them understand the actions of a guy they were pursuing. With that in mind I thought I'd try to be even more helpful and write a whole article outlining what it's like to be a man who's really shy and inexperienced with women. At the end I give a few thoughts on what to do if there's a shy guy in your life you're interested in. Combined, the points below will describe a guy who's really, really inhibited and awkward around women. Not all shy men will have issues that intense or have every characteristic apply to them. I'll list some quick suggestions at the end, but for the most part I'll describe the issues shy guys deal with and let you draw your own conclusions about how to act. As with all the other writing on this site, the points here are from a mix of my own experience and accounts I've come across of how shy guys say they think. I also wrote a follow up to this article on some of the. They're really nervous around women I'll break this down further below, but their central problem is that they're just really , scared, and inhibited around women. Almost all men get somewhat nervous when they have to ask a woman out, or kiss her, or even talk to her for the first time. But when a guy is really shy his nervousness is at a level where it usually prevents him from doing any of those things. It's legitimately strong, not something where they can just take a deep breath and push through it. Sometimes this nervousness shows up as the physical symptoms of anxiety. At other times it's more of a powerful, paralyzing hesitation. Like they know how they want to act, but an invisible force field is preventing them from doing so. They're nervous about talking to women they're interested in This could mean feeling with an attractive stranger they've just noticed at a party. It can also be longer term. Some shy guys, especially younger ones, have had a crush on someone for years and years, and have never worked up the nerve to talk to her. The occasional time that someone they fancy talks to them first they often get too flustered, and the resulting brief conversation consists of some stuttered half-coherent answers on their part. That's not to say a shy guy won't sometimes be able to chat to someone he's into, but it's relatively rare. Sometimes they just won't get nervous around someone for whatever mysterious reason. At other time they can force themselves to do it, but they're a total wreck inside the whole time. Initially they manage to come off as calm and charming and make a good impression, but then fall apart when the stakes get higher. The reason this happens is that when they first run into that women she's new and they haven't had time to overthink things and attach any nervous feelings to her yet. They'll come away from the interaction feeling excited and optimistic about where things may lead. However now they have a reason to feel pressured and jittery around her, and that's exactly what happens. The scenario then goes in one of the following directions: They're too nervous to talk to her again; They do talk to her, but they're such a withdrawn, obvious wreck that she's not interested; They talk to her, but are too nervous to be themselves, end up acting like a goofball, and shoot themselves in the foot; They're so nervous that at that immediate moment escaping the anxious symptoms takes precedence over anything else, and they act rude or aloof towards her to purposely sabotage their chance. This 'setting them up, but not following through' scenario can happen to different degrees. The first is when a guy simply sees a girl around a few times and makes confident eye contact with her. She seems attracted and intrigued and like she's waiting for the guy to approach her. He sees this, gets nervous, and never conjures up the guts to speak to her. Another variation is when a guy runs into a girl, say because he sits beside her in a lecture, chats to her for a bit, and comes off well. He can't work up the nerve to talk to her another time. A third scenario might be something more drawn-out, like a guy has a few conversations with a girl he never really thought of as more than someone friendly to talk to. He notices she seems like she's becoming attracted to him, and he blows things soon after. They're nervous about asking a girl to hang out Hanging out, going on a date, the idea is the same. Sometimes a guy will be able to talk to someone he's interested in, often because the circumstances put them together, so the onus wasn't on him to approach anyone. If they like someone they'll often feel too nervous to ask them out and face the awkwardness and risk of rejection that entails. They may never ask them out, or put it off so long that by the time they do they're well into the Friend Zone. They're nervous about making a move Even with all of the above stacked against them, a shyer, inexperienced guy will sometimes have enough things go their way that they end up in a position where they're alone with a woman and want to 'make a move' on them e. Unsurprisingly, they're really nervous and hesitant about this as well. Same general discomfort and risk of rejection. They may have a blatant, all-systems-go opportunity where the girl is clearly interested, but they can't manage to go through with it. There they are, sitting on a couch watching a movie with their date when the credits start to roll. She turns to face him, looking into his eyes expectantly. He returns her gaze and pauses for a moment, and a little longer, and a bit longer still... Afterward he's kicking himself for being so spineless. He was trying to work up the nerve to kiss her all evening, and kept wondering if now was the right time to do it, but in the end he couldn't pull the trigger. One key fear guys have in this situation is if they're sexually inexperienced they're worried their embarrassing secret will be outed, and they'll be humiliated. I don't know what I'm doing. What if she can tell I've never done this before? They're intimidated by girls who they perceive as being more experienced than them And when you're really inexperienced yourself it seems that's pretty much every woman. Part of this comes from a belief that no girl would be interested in a shy guy if she's had already had a few boyfriends. It also goes back to that point I mentioned in the last paragraph about them fearing their inexperience being outed. This hinders a shy guy in two ways. First, they'll often rule out more obviously experienced girls as prospects. Only harmless, innocent-seeming girls don't arouse their fears. But there are only so many women out there who are just as shy, innocent, and inexperienced as them, so it really cuts down their possibilities, and makes them put that much more pressure on themselves when they do find one who fits the description. Secondly, if they're into a girl, and she seems into them, and she says something that draws attention to her comparatively higher level of experience e. She seems a lot more daunting now. And they figure, why would she want him? She has experience, he doesn't. It's never work out. With time many anxious guys can slowly and gain enough experience with the opposite sex that they're not as held back by their anxiety as they used to be. They can start dating like everyone else. However, they may always have a tougher time of it than some men. They're often late bloomers, since their nerves and general social awkwardness kept them from getting into the game as early as everyone else. I'll never get better. I suck with women. I'm not good looking enough. There's no way that girl at work actually likes me. I totally screwed up with her the other day when I made that dumb joke. First, a lack of confidence isn't all that attractive. Next, they can be hyper-alert for any signs of rejection, and almost eager to conclude the worst. There's no way she'll be into me now. Dammit, another prospect hasn't panned out. Story of my life. I'll never meet anyone. It's hard to explain, but almost unconsciously shy guys can have the attitude that in order to get a girlfriend the world has to send them one packaged in such a way that they won't feel anxious or have to do anything that pushes them out of their comfort zone. They figure everything will finally work out one day when they stumble into a girl who naturally likes them, who they won't have to take the initiative to talk to, who they won't have to ask out, and who has the magic combination of qualities which ensures they never feel nervous around her. It's also really common for shyer guys to fantasize about meeting a really forward, aggressive woman who makes all the scary moves for them. She asks him out, she kisses him first, etc. However, if a guy is really shy he may still balk in the face of someone so direct, and still blow his chance. The idea that if they want a girlfriend they'll have to actively work on finding one, or that they'll have to learn to , isn't on the map. Nope, they just have to meet the perfect girl under the perfect circumstances, where they'll essentially be guided along by rails the whole way with no room to screw up. They may also be socially inexperienced or isolated in general, because they like to keep to themselves, or since they don't have a ton of friends. That means they get their ideas of what dating and girlfriends and relationships are like from sources such as movies, television, magazines, the internet, and snippets of conversation they've heard from other people. Shy guys often develop a caricatured, romanticized view of relationships, because they've seen too many romantic comedies or high school dramas with Hollywood endings. According to their 'education' the beautiful cheerleader always wants a caring, sensitive guy who likes her for her. The female lead wants a nice guy to save her from the all the jerks she normally attracts. Women are sweet, innocent creatures that needed to be nurtured. Shy guys have a blind spot for the reality that some girls might get drunk and make out with a hot guy just for the hell of it, or that they could have a friend-with-benefits, or that they would want to casually date a few people at once, or that they could go home with someone they met that night at a party. This can make shy guys a bit clueless about dating protocol. People in a guy's age group may not even really 'date' at all, but he wouldn't know it because that's what people do in the movies and on TV. She's my dream girl. I just want to cuddle her by the ocean for hours as we watch the shooting stars above. Then we'll make sweet loving love... The girl they've just noticed in class could be their lifelong soul mate. Boy, better not screw that one up. Is this the girl who I'll end my streak of loneliness with? They'll quickly get infatuated and preoccupied, constantly thinking if it's going to all work out with her. What's weird is, objectively these girls often aren't even that appealing to the shy guy, or he obviously wouldn't be her type. However, because they have so few options, and are so desperate to meet someone, any minimally friendly girl they meet instantly becomes a possibility. They almost have to like these girls, what other choice do they have? If it later seems like things won't work out - which is common since he's often just invested a throwaway casual encounter with too much meaning - he'll get demoralized. But it won't be long before he's fixated on a new person. I think girls should be aware that just by your being friendly, even in the most casual, offhanded way, to a shyer guy, he may start seeing you as a prospect. He may even get a somewhat obsessive crush on you. It's not that you sent him any signals, just that any girl he comes across offers a chance to end his Forever Alone status and his mind reacts to this a little too excitedly and desperately. It may be easier for all involved if you make the first move. Don't give him an opportunity to get all freaked out and insecure over what a supposed pathetic virgin he is. Just don't bring them up and potentially give him something to worry about. Note that I'm only referring to run-of-the-mill experience that may freak out a very inexperienced guy. If you've done some things that any guy would reasonably want to be told about that's different. That's all I've got. I hope this article helps you hook up with that cute, quiet, quirky guy you've got your eye on. And of course I hope this article indirectly makes life easier out there for all the shy dudes out there too. Bonus section: Figuring out why a shy guy you're interested in is acting the way he is This originally wasn't part of the article, but I decided to add it after several women wrote to me asking for help with a shy guy they were interested in getting to know. Overall their situation was that things seemed like they were heading in a promising direction, but then he starting avoiding contact with her, and she's not sure why he's acting that way or what she can do to salvage things. She's either briefly chatted to him on a handful of occasions, or they've just locked eyes a few times. She gets the sense he's interested. He seems happy to see her, but also gets flustered and tongue-tied in her presence. Things seem to be going well, and he comes across as interested, but also nervous. He may have had a giant green light to make a physical move but didn't take it. If she sees him as she gets on the bus he quickly looks away. If she tries to chat to him by the elevator at work he gets uncomfortable and quickly ends the conversation. The hard part of figuring all this out is that while shy guys as a whole have certain tendencies, it's impossible to tell what any one of them is thinking in a particular situation. Why am I so spineless? No woman likes guys like that. His shyness is causing him to act weird around you. His behavior isn't due to shyness. It's just the standard kinda-crappy tactic of ignoring someone you're not into until they move on. He's realized you feel that way and it's making him act clumsy and evasive. Since you can't expect a shy guy to do it himself, the best way to clear things up is to make a move of your own that forces him to give you a direct answer. If you've spoken, ask him out. If you've already gone on some dates, ask him if he'd like to go out again. If he hasn't talked to you yet, start a conversation. It may go well or go nowhere, but if he seems interested, but shy and hard to read, then ask him out. His response still won't necessarily reveal his motivations he could be into you, but turn you down due to nerves , but at least you'll be able to move forward. I realize this isn't the easiest thing to do. Making a move yourself may feel scary or unnatural. That goes double if you're on the shy side yourself. However, with really shy guys this comes with the territory. You never know if or when they'll get the guts to make a move themselves, so if you're really interested in seeing where it goes with him you've got to go for it.
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